without flying I might have become a grumpy old bugger
Let’s hope you keep the flying going 
My wife wouldn’t have had much choice about my hobbies – my life revolves around my personal interests and activities, has done since about age 10 and so my continuous involvement in them predates involvement with her by about 35 years. It was never less than clear to her.
Years before that I understood the only way I could stand holding down a job was by making it relate somewhat to my personal interests, which also predate learning a well paying job (engineering) by maybe 10 years: I was riding motorcycles 8 years and flying solo 2 years before I started at university, so I knew why one learns and works – in my mind it was to fund buying machines and using them to see the world, plus of course everything else related to survival as an associated issue. And a house or two to store them in That takes some money, so naturally I figured how to get it without boredom or driving myself crazy.
The issue of ‘justifying’ my personal interests and
activities has therefore never come up. I’d prioritize them and live in the hangar before before giving them up, which would not be very comfortable. Oddly enough that very fact and focus has motivated me over let’s say the last 35 years to make enough income to ensure I don’t have to do so. My wife is happy with the result and if I died she’d sell everything, live wherever she wanted (she’s already told me where!) and have plenty of money.
My wife has a good life and always will, mainly due to my efforts, but I’m not an element in somebody else’s social program.
It depends a lot on the family situation. I am married and have 2 kids, and I am the “provider” in the family, so if something were to happen to me they’d be quite screwed. I did get some life insurance when I started flying, but that’d be enough for 2-3 years at most. So I do have a lot of discussions with my wife regarding my hobby.
To be honest, I understand it’s not easy to put up with it. Like it or not, it has a certain degree of danger, more than most hobbies. Also every accident gets a lot of media coverage, which doesn’t help. I’m doing my best to stay safe, am probably over-conservative with my minimums and so on. But there is that residual risk that you cannot eliminate, as long as you fly. So I do understand spouses being worried, especially if kids are involved. It’s really hard taking care of kids when you are a couple, and must be incredibly hard doing it alone.
Still I think everyone owes it to themselves to seek their happiness and do things they enjoy. For some, like Jujupilote, who have a lot of flying behind them, the novelty has probably worn off so there are other more interesting or important things in life. Others are like me and can finally realize their lifelong dream when they are in their 40s, or even later.
There is no rule that applies to everyone, it’s all individual. I don’t think the goal of our existence is just to procreate, but also to enjoy life as much as we can.
MedEwok wrote:
Much stronger and less sinister but equally disruptive is the “force of the everyday stress”, with which I mean that the cumulative time (and money) requirements of managing work, kids, household, partnership etc. is often so overwhelming – especially for families with young kids – that all other activities suffer massively ot have to be temporarily abandoned. This is also why the typical age where all these requirements are compounded, at about 30 to 50, is also called “rush hour of life”.It appears legitimate to me that any partner can reasonably expect from the other that they focus their time and effort on joint endeavours.
Exactly.
andy_flyer wrote:
It depends a lot on the family situation. I am married and have 2 kids, and I am the “provider” in the family, so if something were to happen to me they’d be quite screwed.
andy_flyer wrote:
So I do understand spouses being worried, especially if kids are involved. It’s really hard taking care of kids when you are a couple, and must be incredibly hard doing it alone.
I guess the danger aspect is one thing, but the other two you listen are actually legitimate. Along with that, the quite enormous amount of time that even a short flight takes, while most mothers never get as much as more than an hour or two off for 20 years.
Women have kids, men have hobbies is something of a bygone age I reckon.
andy_flyer wrote:
I don’t think the goal of our existence is just to procreate, but also to enjoy life as much as we can.
I don´t really think that this is mutually exclusive. At least it should not be.
But on the other hand, none of us would have had to take our marriage vows or agree to have kids if the duty with comes with it is too much.
In my book, “duty faithfully performed” comes before any sort of leasure. And there are not many higher duties than to your kids and others who depend on you.
In my book, “duty faithfully performed” comes before any sort of leasure.
In my book, achieving matters more than talking.
Supersonic wrote:
We stayed in a tent on the airfield enjoyed the burgers at the lake. My daughter and I even did a wakeboarding course together – a fantastic trip!
I think that’s the way to go. I try to do the same and Interestingly I spend more time with the family on such trips than I would have without a PPL. But unless the children start to get interested in flying themselves only a short time window of 10 years max is available for such trips. And of course you have to be very careful when discussing accidents (which you definitely will).
And then there are people who fly to get away from the family for a few hours which can also be a working setup. But I think if the spouse despises flying in the same way they despise smoking or other unhealthy activities only the first option is feasible.
It is fair to say that some families don’t fly in GA for fairly robust statistical safety reasons. While a Part 121 US national carrier passenger seat may be about the safest place on the planet (assuming you don’t catch Covid), the same can’t be said for our average middle aged GA aircraft. I think statistically piston GA is as safe as motorcycle riding, turbine AOC a bit better, but still way off the airlines, and world airlines, including Europe, behind Part 121.
My wife will occasionally fly but for short fair weather excursions. I made the mistake the first time she flew to take her on too long a run, so I suggest short hops (30 minutes) initially to build some tolerance :)
I think skiing is more dangerous than flying, especially when it comes to not being able to support a family (e.g. arm in a sling, crutches, etc if you need these to work)
I could have never started flying while I was married, for multiple reasons. I started right afterwards though.
Peter wrote:
I think skiing is more dangerous than flying, especially when it comes to not being able to support a family (e.g. arm in a sling, crutches, etc if you need these to work)
There is often a very irrational fear of flying, which probably has a subliminal component and which causes people to overrate the general risk in comparison to other activities. I would also say that this irrational factor is one of the causes for the excessive regulation on (small) GA.
Don’t get me wrong, flying in SEPs and the like is in the same league as riding motorcycles in terms of the fatal accident rate, i.e. statistics are horrible. But in flying, you personal risk depends almost entirely on your own skills and currency. In motorcycle riding it’s the other way round, meaning that you largely depend on others not making mistakes.
I could have never started flying while I was married, for multiple reasons. I started right afterwards though.
Funny. I started motorcycle riding right after a long relationship. And my former girlfriend did the same (also at the same time), independently. She’s now roaming the better part of Europe on her Enduro. Well… 😁
Indeed; one cannot compare with motorbikes etc (I used to ride those too) because most of bike crashes involve (are caused by) a car, whereas in GA most are caused by the pilot.
Attitudes to risk vary strangely and it is far from the case that women are always more risk averse
