Jujupilote wrote:
Getting married, raising kids, staying married is a life well lived. You didn’t make vows to keep your SEP valid, your logbook won’t ask you why you were never around.
Disregard the cynics here. You won’t think of your logbook and trips you flew on your deathbed. You will be glad to have done your very best to raise a family, and in your case, save lives as a day job.
True.
As for what to think about, doesn’t have to be the deathbed but generally when you get older, at least for me it has never been material things I achieved but always experiences. Yes, quite a few have to do with flying, others with people I’ve met or travels I’ve been on. Live events. Rising a child is the top of all that.
You can “do it all” if you have enough money and then you can get a nanny to help with the kids, while the parents have a good relationship, instead of being half knackered most of the time.
I know this sounds like a description of the “upper classes” which are ritually despised in modern “enlightened” times, and I would never support the scenario where the kids are basically brought up by the nanny, and then go to a boarding school for years, but in most cases a little help will make a lot of difference.
With flying, one always comes back to organising it to deliver continued value. I bang on about that all the time. It doesn’t matter how much money you have, whether you can buy a new TBM every year, etc, if your flying doesn’t deliver continued value then you will pack it in. You will have probably climbed to the top of the GA food chain by the time you do pack it in (I know a good number of examples of precisely this, and a few more who will join them soon).
And if you avoid eating junk and eat plenty of vegetables then you will have a lot more time to ponder all this 
Peter wrote:
You can “do it all” if you have enough money and then you can get a nanny to help with the kids, while the parents have a good relationship, instead of being half knackered most of the time.
Most of us have to make do with day care centers. Which, imho is better for the kids who are amongst other kids rather than being taught by some Mrs Doubtfire.
Peter wrote:
in most cases a little help will make a lot of difference.
Actually, I think those parents which have their parents still around and nearby have much less problems than those who don’t.
Peter wrote:
With flying, one always comes back to organising it to deliver continued value. I bang on about that all the time.
Absolutely. Particularly if you wish the family to come along. But us who mostly are interested in going places are clearly the better candidates than 100$ burger runners. Having said that, kids love the ice cream and french fries at Wangen Lachen and it’s only 30 mins from most airfields of Switzerland instead of a 3 hour drive in afternoon traffic. Even if it’s probably the very definition of Junk food, kids go for it in a big way. Or, more politically correct, if there is a good playground at the 100$ burger Joint.
I’m actually a bit depressed by some reactions here. As if it’s normal that a wife or husband can force you to stop one of your favorite hobbies, in this case flying. Maybe it’s because I’m a younger generation as most here, but I think this is an outdated model in the modern world.
Sure, I can imagine getting kids is a life-changing event, which forces you to put hobbies on a lower priority. But still, I can’t imagine giving it all up for let’s say 10 years. It sounds like self-flagellation to me. Even if it’s just keeping your license active with minimum hours… If there is a will, there’s a way.
Peter wrote:
You can “do it all” if you have enough money and then you can get a nanny to help with the kids, while the parents have a good relationship, instead of being half knackered most of the time.Absolutely. I was brought each working day to a nanny, because my parents worked both in the beginning nineties. And on some weekends, my parents brought me to my grandparents or aunts. It all worked well, my parents never complained about too less private time and I had still a great childhood. They also took me on their trips. They didn’t fly, but I’m sure, they would have put me in the backseat, in case my father or mother happened to be a pilot.
Frans wrote:
As if it’s normal that a wife or husband can force you to stop one of your favorite hobbies, in this case flying.
It is. But mostly it’s not a conscious thing “you stop this now” but simply no time. Day is gone before you know it. I’ve not even seen a full movie on DVD in 6 years now, there simply is no time, not with working full time and having to manage the rest out of job hours. And always something is more important.
Frans wrote:
I can imagine getting kids is a life-changing event, which forces you to put hobbies on a lower priority. But still, I can’t imagine giving it all up for let’s say 10 years. It sounds like self-flagellation to me.
Then don’t get kids. Nobody can imagine the change before they do. 24/7/365. If I had known I’d become a dad with 54, I would not have come back to flying. No point.
Frans wrote:
was brought each working day to a nanny, because my parents worked both in the beginning nineties. And on some weekends, my parents brought me to my grandparents or aunts. I
If you have any or they don’t live too far away. Quite a few people I know have none. Nobody other than day care for work.
It’s simply a total change of life. I don’t say it’s not worth it, on the opposite, it’s a new lease of life. But lots of stuff you thought important before, simply vanish in the daily struggle to fit tasks for 48 hours into 24.
I am not complaining, just stating facts. The very privilege of having a healty little girl lights up my day every single minute I get to spend with her. No question what my priorities are. Yes, from time to time it is frustrating that so many things of life you had before disappear but at least I get to spend time with my kid, which loads of others don’t.
Allow me to quickly share a different angle to this thread.
I always dreamed of flying and buying a plane at some stage. But as a charity worker, there’s no way I could afford it. So, slowly, over the years, I packed my dreams away.
By then I was married with a junior lawyer. But then, one day she become a partner in this big American law firm and it was here who demanded I would resume my training.
Last year, we both decided we would buy a plane. There was one condition only – to have a parachute.
So, I bought a cirrus. Now, she used to be a very frightened flyer (regardless of the plane). She decided to take some flights with an instructor and now she’s much better.
So, if I fly, if I’m here, ultimately it’s because of my wife. She was and still is, the one making me believe I can still do it.
Jujupilote wrote:
Getting married, raising kids, staying married is a life well lived.Love this post @jujupilote and I couldn’t agree more.
Frans wrote:
But still, I can’t imagine giving it all up for let’s say 10 years. It sounds like self-flagellation to me. Even if it’s just keeping your license active with minimum hours… If there is a will, there’s a way.
For me I actually lost the will. There were so many other things to do. The final straw was after an IR PC when the instructor said that he passed me only because I was so conscious of my shortcomings. After that I just quit. Flying just a few hours a year and never being current didn’t appeal to me.
Bobo wrote:
Love this post @jujupilote and I couldn’t agree more.
I also agree, even if the “well lived” line could be seen as a bit condescending to people who haven’t succeeded with those three things. I did and I’m very happy with how my life turned out, which does not mean that other people would not be just as happy with other life choices.
Mooney_Driver wrote:
Then don’t get kids. Nobody can imagine the change before they do. 24/7/365. If I had known I’d become a dad with 54, I would not have come back to flying. No point.There are also pilots who have kids and remain flying. Maybe not as much as before, but still manage to fly pretty few hours per year. I know a few of them personally. That’s why I feel this topic is too much represented by one side and therefore kind of depressing.
For me I actually lost the will.That’s for sure a valid point. I might reach a certain point in life, where I come to a similar conclusion for myself or just lose interest. Who knows. That makes a big impact on priorities as well.
If you have any or they don’t live too far away. Quite a few people I know have none.Sure, that’s true, and it doesn’t make life easier. But then again, there is always a kind of solution. Searching new friends or nannies, moving close to family or old friends, applying for another (less time-consuming) job etc. Depending on personal priorities of course.
I also agree, even if the “well lived” line could be seen as a bit condescending to people who haven’t succeeded with those three things.I would say “Well lived” is pretty individual. For one, it’s having a family. For others, it’s making a great career or traveling the world. “Well lived” is not a fact, it’s a personal opinion.
